dBrand and Novelkeys are selling an ESC key that stabs you, and at long last, an Enter key that tells everyone where to go

Drand and NovelKey Keycaps
(Image credit: Future)

What you need to know

  • Dbrand has just launched its own mechanical keycaps, and they are as quirky as you would expect.
  • Distributed through NovelKeys, there are two keycaps. An ESC key shaped like a pyramid that draws blood, and an Enter key that states 'Fuck off.
  • The keys are priced at $60 and $40 respectively and are compatible with keyboards that use Cherry switches.

In the tumultuous era of remote work during the COVID-19 pandemic, it appears that the creative minds at Dbrand have birthed a keyboard accessory collection that reflects the frustrations and quirks of working from home. It looks like someone snapped. Snapped so hard they came up with the concepts for both a key for self-flogging at regular intervals and a 'Fuck Off' key you just know is for slamming with gusto after sending you last passive-aggressive "Regards" sign-off.

Yes, for those of us who'd prefer to sit at home muttering and swearing under our breath during that meeting that totally could have been an email, Dbrand has answered our non-confrontational prayers and launched two artisan metal keycaps, currently available through NovelKeys.

The Pyramid aluminium keycap

According to Dbrand "This started with a simple premise: an escape key that stabs whoever presses it. Lawyers advised that we soften the tip a little bit, but rest assured you're never more than one firm key press away from drawing blood." The Pyramid key comes in three variations: Neochrome, Black, and Raw Metal, and pairs with any GMK set, fitting seamlessly into any keyboard that uses the Cherry profile.

Drand Pyramid ESC Key | $60 at NovelKeys

Drand Pyramid ESC Key | $60 at NovelKeys

Let your RGB shine through the Eye of Horus, and hit for a regular blood sacrifice to the Egyptian gods. Perhaps enough of these offerings will result in some good fortune and a job that you don't hate with every fibre of your being.

Far from just a novelty, an injury-inducing escape key may be the productivity tool you always needed. Here are a few ways this key could be incorporated into your remote working life:

  • Prevent dozing off during endless virtual meetings over Microsoft Teams. The pointy tip doubles as a wake-up call to snap you out of your afternoon slump when Sharon from HR is once again extolling the virtues of 'wellbeing at work'.
  • Serve as a physical reminder of the urgency at hand during tight deadlines.
  • Act as a form of self-punishment for grammar errors that your Grammarly Premium subscription fails to pick up.
  • Ensure that if your toddler decides to play with your keyboard again when you head for a comfort break, it will be the last time he does so.

F*** Off

Tired of composing polite and formulaic emails to your colleagues when really all you want to do is say "F**k off"? Well, rather than risk getting fired, Dbrand has come up with a way for you to cathartically finish each paragraph of your convoluted emails—with the "F**k Off" key.

The key comes in the same color variations as the Pyramid, available in Neochrome, Black, and Raw metal, and will set you back $60. A small price to pay for passive-aggressive satisfaction.

F*** OFF R3 2.25u Aluminum Keycap | $60 at NovelKeys

F*** OFF R3 2.25u Aluminum Keycap | $60 at NovelKeys

With cutouts to let your F*** off shine in all it's RGB glory, and north and south facing switch orientations. Add this to your Cherry keyboard for regular cathartic cursing at the end of every email.

Both sets of keys are fully metallic and Cherry compatible, and Dbrand has chosen to distribute them through NovelKeys rather than its own website. Next time you receive that email full of 98% buzzwords like "leverage," "core competencies," and "implement scalable solutions," you can either hit F**K OFF or your ESC button to feel physical instead of mental pain.

Both keys are available to buy now, and we look forward to seeing what's next from Dbrand.

Jennifer Young

Jen is a News Writer for Windows Central, focused on all things gaming and Microsoft. Anything slaying monsters with magical weapons will get a thumbs up such as Dark Souls, Dragon Age, Diablo, and Monster Hunter. When not playing games, she'll be watching a horror or trash reality TV show, she hasn't decided which of those categories the Kardashians fit into. You can follow Jen on Twitter @Jenbox360 for more Diablo fangirling and general moaning about British weather.